As teenagers we begin to resent them. They seem to be a constant source of annoyance and their un-fathomable way of knowing that you got home two hours after curfew is incredibly frustrating. You spend hours barricaded in your room, cursing their existence and wishing that you had one of the those fun, laid-back kind of Mums who allowed parties and an alcoholic drink before you turned 18. As those young, immature adolescents we were unable to see the affection behind their actions; that their motives were bathed in love.
On entering adulthood you slowly begin to understand that they only ever wanted the best for you, that Mums are wise women of the world who understood more about life than you ever could at that age. That their sometimes drastic actions were shrouded in the faith and hope that one day you would understand that Mum really does know best.
Above all, the clearest realisation and understanding of what a Mothers love really is comes at the moment you yourself become a parent.
I was lucky enough to have my own Mum in the room with me when I gave birth to my daughter. Her support to both myself and my husband was incredible. It was like her love filled up the room and gave me the strength to focus on the momentous and precious job I had infront of me. She sang to me softly and kept a silent vigil over me as I gathered the strength to bring Dee into the world safely.
I'm so glad I got to experience my birth story with her, it made those long, painful, tiring hours both bearable and special.
Seconds after giving birth, whilst holding both my baby and my husband in my arms, I remember looking at my Mum and saying 'Thank You'. I attempted to put 27 years of unsaid things into those words, they weren't just gratitude for staying by my side through this process but for always being by my side, for loving me so effortlessly the way that I now loved my newborn daughter. It was a thank you for that pure, perfect, un-assuming, awe-inspiring, unselfish, beautiful love, that until that moment I had never quite understood.
Ten minutes after Dee was born, my Mum left the room to go home, she simply looked at me and smiled and then quietly slipped away. I knew at that moment things were never going to be the same again; but in a totally wonderful way. Our mother-daughter bond had increased 100 fold with the addition of our new tiny miracle. Our little Dee.
Later, as I held my newborn daughter close, thankful of a few fuss free moments, the overwhelming love I felt for this tiny, fragile thing seemed to subsume me. How had my Mum loved me like this for so long? How had she not drowned under the weight of it? How do any mothers do it?
My respect grows for my Mum everyday, just as my love grows for Dee. Sometimes I find that love so overwhelming that it threatens to overcome me and swallow me whole.
I once read somewhere that "a mothers love is something that no one can explain, it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain". I used to think this was quite morbid, but now I understand those words with a far deeper meaning than I ever did before.
I spent this Mothers Day in the company of my Mum and my daughter- for whom I am so blessed and grateful. It was a day of celebration and happiness, a day of love.
I hope that all Mums, Mums-to-be, Step-Mums, Grandmas, Great Grandmas and anyone who bears the title 'Mother' had a beautiful day, smug in the knowledge that we are privy to the secret of a Mothers love.
I also hope that those who were spending Sunday without their Mums, those who are in mourning for children had an extra special day celebrating the lives of the people they love the most.
Happy Mothers Day to all.
Love to you all, till next time - L & L x
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