A Comic Turn...

I'm afraid that I may be going a little 'off-piste' with this post. But I hope you will indulge me and read on.

It's Comic Relief today, a day for thinking of others and giving what we can to make somebody's life a little more comfortable. When I see the causes that will be helped by our donations, I can't help but be moved. It worries me that even though millions and millions of pounds have already been spent in aid of these people, there are still so many in the world who need our help. People who live in poverty, children who are begging and forced into modern day slavery. I find it hard to think of a world where one half lives in relative opulence compared to the other half. It seems madness that there are children in the world who still have to drink polluted water when western society is fixated on having the latest tablet computer or designer handbags.
Don't get me wrong, I love my designer handbags and I often scold myself when I find myself vying for another pair of shoes that are far too expensive. I try to rationalise with myself, reminding myself of that prophecy drummed into us as children - 'there are people starving in the world'. I think we are all guilty of being a little selfish and un-thinking sometimes.

Truth is, most of us will sit and watch Comic Relief tonight. We will laugh at the silly antics of the celebrities who have given up some of their time to do something funny for money, we will cry at the videos of those people suffering, we will gasp at the children dying in the hospitals in such horrible and preventable circumstances. Yet tomorrow, we will get up and carry on as normal, we will get our children from their beds/cots, we will eat our breakfast, we will turn on the tap to find clean, drinkable water. We will open the fridge to find food and treats. We will spend money on the frivolous things we allow ourselves. Why? Because we can and because we are so very lucky.

It is madness that in 2013 that the world is still so drastically split by the rich and the poor.

I am thankful for all those people who campaign tirelessly for the charities they support. I am proud of them. I am proud that we have things like Comic Relief in this country, which every year reminds us that there are people out there, who share this world,  that need our help desperately. I am thankful to all those people who have dressed up in pyjamas today, or have done something funny to raise money.

I am so thankful for my life, I am thankful that I have a bed to sleep in at night, that I have a child who is vaccinated free of charge and who has access to some of the greatest medical care in the world. I am thankful that I was lucky enough to be born into a country that can provide these things for me, because thats all we are, lucky.

I am determined to do more to help from now on. Every little helps.

I will be watching and donating tonight, I hope you all do too.

Give this song a listen. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

A Mothers Love: Mothering Sunday

As children we are so utterly unaware of just how much we are loved by our Mothers. We so innocently take them for granted, never being totally aware of the sacrifices they have made for us and how much we mean to them.

As teenagers we begin to resent them. They seem to be a constant source of annoyance and their un-fathomable way of knowing that you got home two hours after curfew is incredibly frustrating. You spend hours barricaded in your room, cursing their existence and wishing that you had one of the those fun, laid-back kind of Mums who allowed parties and an alcoholic drink before you turned 18. As those young, immature adolescents we were unable to see the affection behind their actions; that their motives were bathed in love.

On entering adulthood you slowly begin to understand that they only ever wanted the best for you, that Mums are wise women of the world who understood more about life than you ever could at that age. That their sometimes drastic actions were shrouded in the faith and hope that one day you would understand that Mum really does know best.

Above all, the clearest realisation and understanding of what a Mothers love really is comes at the moment you yourself become a parent.

I was lucky enough to have my own Mum in the room with me when I gave birth to my daughter. Her support to both myself and my husband was incredible. It was like her love filled up the room and gave me the strength to focus on the momentous and precious job I had infront of me. She sang to me softly and kept a silent vigil over me as I gathered the strength to bring Dee into the world safely.
I'm so glad I got to experience my birth story with her, it made those long, painful, tiring hours both bearable and special.

Seconds after giving birth, whilst holding both my baby and my husband in my arms, I remember looking at my Mum and saying 'Thank You'. I attempted to put 27 years of unsaid things into those words, they weren't just gratitude for staying by my side through this process but for always being by my side, for loving me so effortlessly the way that I now loved my newborn daughter. It was a thank you for that pure, perfect, un-assuming, awe-inspiring, unselfish, beautiful love, that until that moment I had never quite understood.

Ten minutes after Dee was born, my Mum left the room to go home, she simply looked at me and smiled and then quietly slipped away. I knew at that moment things were never going to be the same again; but in a totally wonderful way. Our mother-daughter bond had increased 100 fold with the addition of our new tiny miracle. Our little Dee.

Later, as I held my newborn daughter close, thankful of a few fuss free moments, the overwhelming love I felt for this tiny, fragile thing seemed to subsume me. How had my Mum loved me like this for so long? How had she not drowned under the weight of it? How do any mothers do it?
My respect grows for my Mum everyday, just as my love grows for Dee. Sometimes I find that love so overwhelming that it threatens to overcome me and swallow me whole.
I once read somewhere that "a mothers love is something that no one can explain, it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain".  I used to think this was quite morbid, but now I understand those words with a far deeper meaning than I ever did before.

I spent this Mothers Day in the company of my Mum and my daughter-  for whom I am so blessed and grateful. It was a day of celebration and happiness, a day of love.

I hope that all Mums, Mums-to-be, Step-Mums, Grandmas, Great Grandmas and anyone who bears the title 'Mother' had a beautiful day, smug in the knowledge that we are privy to the secret of a Mothers love.
I also hope that those who were spending Sunday without their Mums, those who are in mourning for children had an extra special day celebrating the lives of the people they love the most.



Happy Mothers Day to all.

Love to you all, till next time - L & L x

Mum's the word.

Being a Mum is really hard, truly wonderful but really, really hard.

I read countless parenting blogs on how perfect life is with their little ones. How every day is filled with joy and contentment and amazing discoveries. These blogs are either lying or I am doing something terribly wrong. Don't mis-understand me, I love being a Mum, I have found it a difficult journey but I do love it. Yet I often judge myself harshly, I wonder if sometimes I don't do enough for Dee or I make the wrong decisions regarding her upbringing. I have found adjusting to motherhood hard, I am not by any means an 'earth mother', I don't believe I was put on this earth purely to reproduce and spend my whole life pontificating at how wonderful I am at parenting.

My daughter is extremely precious to me, she came into my life almost eighteen months ago and changed it irrevocably. I decided when I was pregnant that I was going to give up work and raise my daughter as a stay at home Mum -  I believe I made the right decision but it does not mean that some days I don't find it really hard.

I'm a young(ish) Mummy. I am the first of my friends to have a baby. I had a tiring pregnancy with sometimes debilitating morning sickness and chronic tiredness. Even though I read pregnancy and child-rearing books religiously, I felt extremely lonely. I felt I couldn't talk to my closest friends about things because they didn't or couldn't understand what my body was going through. When I was worried about lack of movement or odd changes to my body I often felt trapped and frightened.

I don't think you ever feel 'ready' for a baby. The overwhelming feeling that this tiny thing is going to rely on you completely is a very un-nerving thought. I spent months fretting over the type of mother I wanted to be, contemplating all the mistakes I did not want to make. Truth is you tend to make mistakes whatever you do. You do things you always said you never would and you find yourself pushing to do things well out of your comfort zone.

When Dee arrived, after almost three days of labour and a head fizzy from gas and air; I have never felt more relieved in my whole life. Relieved that she was healthy, relieved she had all her fingers and toes which were so utterly perfect. Relieved that I loved her in that indescribable way that all Mums talk about, that you can't quite comprehend until you meet your child for the first time.

As a mother 16 months on -  I forever feel that I should be doing more. That we should go on more outings, that I should make more effort to do lots more creative things with her. That I should have sent her to Nursery sooner, that I should never have introduced her to the world of Peppa Pig.
Truth is, most days, Dee and I mosey along together. We go shopping, we sing, we dance, we laugh. She watches as I clean and tidy and cook. She sits in her cot whilst I shower. We see friends and family regularly, we eat out.
I will never be one of those Mothers who enrols her child in every group going, Dee won't play the piano at 3 years old. I have made peace with the fact that I will never be the perfect mother....

... But I'll always be the perfect mother to Dee -  and thats really all that matters.

Love till next time -  L & L x x