The husband is away tonight and for one reason or another I thought it would be appropriate to reminisce. I've not been too proactive in getting my blog up and running - day to day life with a one year old seems to leave me as tired as an elf on Christmas morning. But I have decided that (as a rather premature NY resolution) I'm going to take this writing lark a little more seriously.
Tonight I indulged my emotions in a most peculiar way; I read an old, old online diary that I started in 2004. I have always dipped in and out of diary keeping, choosing to write about the times in my life which I have found most painful or emotionally draining. I used this act of writing as a cathartic experience. Looking back over entries (which began when I was 19 and concluded when I was 24) I still hear the person I once was, even though at times the words on the page are hard to stomach.
For the last few hours I have laughed and cried and cringed at the heartache I felt through first loves. I can't believe how broken I was, how emotionally fragile and at times, deeply sad.
Some entries were harder to read than others, I felt as though I wanted to comfort the person who had written such heart-wrenchingly sad prose. I wish I could go back and tell my then-self that everything was got to be ok. That I was to be loved.
And now, more than ever, I can't believe how much becoming a mother has changed me. How all those first loves are so totally irrelevant compared to the love I feel everyday from my perfect little girl. How lucky I am...and how far I have come.
This blog is going to be a record of my life. A time has come to write of the happiness that now surrounds me rather than the sadness in which I drowned myself for so many years.
Here's to writing - Cheers!
Love till next time - L&L x
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