Diamonds are forever.

A few weeks ago we celebrated the marriage of my beloved Nan and Gramps. 60 years together and still going strong. A diamond achievement.

On the 1st of July 1953, two very special people got married in the sunshine and have loved, laughed and lived alongside each other ever since. They are my rock, my hope for the future, my belief that some stories really can have happy endings.

All you tend to hear these days are stories of divorce and un-happiness, of endings and sadness. It felt so good to be celebrating the kind of love that has survived generations, that has been tended to and looked after and nurtured. They have never given up on each other, they have never thrown in the towel because of a silly tiff or argument. They have raised two sons, four grandchildren and a great-grand-child. They are magnificent.

I thought and thought about what I could give them, what gift could say 'Thank You' for their un-erring support and love over the past 27 years. After weeks of wondering, I resigned myself that such gifts are priceless and all I could give them were my words.

For Nan and Grandad -

There's so much I'd like to say,
On this your Diamond Wedding day,
We're celebrating all those years of bliss,
60 years of memories, that began with a kiss.

You married on a sunny day back in 1953,
But it didn't take long until two became three,
A shorter time still till three became four,
Two handsome sons to love and adore.

Nigel the eldest, the man I call Dad,
Uncle Mark I am told was a cheeky wee lad,
Both boys they grew up, had family all their own,
And now we too, are all fully grown.

Matthew, then Katie, then Charlotte and Blaine,
All ever so different, but somehow, the same.
And now we have Dee, a new great-granddaughter,
You continue to impart wisdom, how much you have taught her.

So if you all have a moment, just a minute or two,
I'd like to share some happy memories with you.
But first I want to say thank you to my Grandad and my Nan,
Who have helped me more than I can say, who have loved me best they can.

They have always been a constant,
Even through some rocky years,
They have loved and they've supported,
And they've wiped away my tears.

Their home is like the anchor,
Which keeps our family strong,
Its nice to put your feet up there,
And know that you belong.

Growing up I remember,
So many happy times,
Times I'll always cherish,
Times that make me smile.

Nans' many 'Berylisms',
And picnics in the park,
The sprinkler in the garden,
And camping in the dark.

So many Christmas parties,
With those indoor fireworks,
Baking in Nan's kitchen,
And laughing till it hurts.

'Do you want a cup of tea?',
And thirty biscuits too...
And don't even get me into,
The trouble they've been having with their loo.

Catching up on gossip,
From Nan's Fellowship hareem,
And would you like some pudding,
With your pint and half of cream.

Grandad's intricate rundowns,
Of the meals they've had this week,
Nan hiding her anxiety,
When he wants to make a speech.

But when they talk of family,
And their many, many friends,
It's nice to know their happy,
Even though they drive us round the bend!

We wouldn't be without them,
They're the glue that holds us together,
And we will love them dearly,
From now until forever.

You two are very special,
Each unique, one of a kind.
Two beautiful shining diamonds,
That brighten up our lives.

Finally, I want you to know how much I love you,
How very much you mean to me,
And how I look forward to many more days,
When we can share a cup of tea.

Love till next time, L&L xxx

Friday Fashion Fix #6

Hi there.

So, no excuses, but here are my excuses. ....

No blogging lately -

1.Been on holiday

2. The weather is too damn nice.


So lets ease back in with a little fashion interlude. Its been way to hot for anything more than some shorts and vest of late, but for date night last week I decided to make a bit more of an effort. So this is the Friday Fashion fix from last week -  there will be a new one on Friday.

Summer Brights

The shops are full to bursting with beautiful, vivid colour at the moment. So as a break from my usual monochrome madness I divulged in a little colour overload.

I have to say super brights scare me a little and any sort of luminous-ness is a definite no-no in my wardrobe, but I just simply couldn't resist this outfit.

Outfit - Topshop, Necklace - Asos, Sandals - KG

These harem trousers are so comfortable, they are like wearing pjs. The cami looks really yellow on this picture but it is actually lime green. These cami tops are everywhere at the minute and available in every conceivable colour. Great for just chucking on with some shorts or a skirt when the weather gets a bit too much. 

This necklace was a recent purchase from Asos. It was an absolute bargain as they kept dropping the price from £18 and I got it for £9. Personal high five. It matches the top perfectly. Im not really all about the matchy-matchy fashion wise but I like this.

My old-faithful KG jelly sandals. Love them. 

Tried to keep my make-up as simple as possible as nobody needs their face clashing with their outfit!!! 

Just simple black eyeliner and a bit of highlighting. 

Hope you like..

Love till next time -  L&L xxx

Friday Fashion Fix #5

This is a bit of a rushed one this week. I have been away on holiday so I've found it hard to find the time to blog.

This outfit is one from a couple of weeks ago.

I'm not really a skirt person - especially a tight skirt. My little Buddha belly stops me from wearing anything tight fitting these days, I feel like people are going to ask me when the baby is due. However, apparently I was feeling quite brave on this particular day and have gone for this little leopard print number. I used to think that leopard prints were all very 'Bet Lynch' but as they have exploded on the fashion catwalks of the world, I have embraced the world of animal print so forcefully that most days I look like I am actually dressed as an actual animal. (rawr)

Skirt - F&F, Belt - Topshop, Top- Topshop, Boots - Office

Had this belt for an absolute age -  but its great. The older it gets the better it seems to look. The little leopard detailing on the sides is something that I love, and fits beautifully with the theme. The top is just  from the basic jersey range in Topshop. Cheap as chips and goes with everything. I have one in every colour. 

Picked up this feathery beaut of a necklace when I was in Thailand. I loves it.

I got this bag from ASOS. Its big, its brash, it clashes with everything. Its bloody amazing.

I teamed the whole outfit with my trusty Office boots.


Sorry this is all a bit rushed this week!!!

Going on a girly London trip on Friday so I will be sharing all my fashion finds with you from that, in what I hope will be a more inspiring post!

Love till next time - L&L xx

To be blessed.

I am blessed, truly. My life is enriched with all sorts of relationships that make my life a full and happy one. They colour my world with their differences and eccentricities. I am blessed.

Managing and maintaining such relationships is a never ending job. Like honing a garden to make it beautiful and vibrant. Each relationship is different , just like every flower and plant, they have a different set of rules. For example, the relationship I have with my daughter is a completely different one to the one I have with my Mum, which in turn is different to the one I have with my best friend. Each category of relationship has different smaller categories, each relationship, unique.

Some relationships take more maintaining. My daughter takes up the most of my time and energy these days. Even in the moments not spent with her I am thinking of what to plan for our next adventure, or what I need to get her from the Supermarket. The relationship with my husband is next in line. I like to cook us a meal every night so that we can chat about the day and find out the ins and outs of what is going own in each others lives. I like to send him little cards and buy little presents every so often to let him know how much I appreciate him and how much I care.

My relationships with my friends are very important to me. Since having Dee, my life has become full to bursting. Playgroups, coffee mornings, swimming lessons, nursery, bath time, storytime... The list is endless. However, I try to make a real effort to maintain strong relationships with my friends, who have always stuck by me and who I love endlessly. In my opinion, life without friends is no life at all. I don't know where I would be without the years of love and support from  those closest to me.

I am blessed. Are you blessed?

Love till next time -  L&L xx

The view to Spinalonga.

If any of you wonderful people have ever read the wonderful book -  'The Island' by Victoria Hislop you will know exactly what I mean by Spinalonga.

Last week we had a little holiday, just the three of us.

I needed that week. Head space.

We headed to Crete, near the small village of Plaka and spent six blissful nights together. Quiet, happy, warm and content. I love these escapes that we go on, it gives me time to clear out my thoughts, re-organise them.

The previous few weeks have once again been an emotional rollercoaster. Someone very close to me is going through a hard time. This person is so close that sometimes I don't know if it's her pain and suffering that lies in the air, or my own.

When someone you love is in pain all you want to do is comfort them, to hold their hand and tell them the things they need to hear. You want to wrap them up in your arms and shield them from the demons outside. You want to explain that you love them, that they are strong, that they will get through.

At first I thought it was her sadness that reverberates through me. I felt it in every step, my bones ached with it. But then I realised it wasn't sadness at all, it was love.

I am apart from her situation now. After years of struggling with un-idyllic relationship she shares with him, I have decided that I just have to let it go. I have to let her live the life she desires (rightly or wrongly) even though I know she is going to be eternally let down. He will let her down as he always does. His promises will break, his mask will slip.

As I sat in the sunshine last week, looking out onto the lonely, deserted island of Spinalonga, I realised all of this. I realised that I should not be the one who always picks up her pieces. I realised I'm truly not strong enough for that. All I can do is support and listen and love.

Spinalonga is a painfully beautiful place. Un-nerving, un-assuming, with a history that is so sad that you could almost cry. Now deserted,  formally a fort, the lonely island became a Leper colony in the early 20th century. The little island stands like a gravestone in the aqua-blue waters of the Aegean Sea, it is a token of memory to the people who suffered terribly at the hands of Leprosy and poverty. It stands testament to what can be overcome if you fight hard enough. If you believe.

I think there's a lesson in that for all of us.

Love till next time -  L&L xx

Friday Fashion Fix #4

The weather is beautiful out there. No too hot, not too cold - It's like the Goldilocks of weather reports.

What does sunshine mean? PIMMS! Well, and bright coloured dresses with sandals!

As I have said in a previous post - I am not a dress-wearing kind of girl. I do own a lot of dresses but they invariably only come out when I am abroad or on a night out. I don't tan easily and since having Dee my fake-tan regime has gone completely down the toilet. Due to this I don't tend to get my legs or arms out unless absolutely necessary! Yet, this recent bout of gorgeous weather has done something to my psyche and I've been in dresses almost every day.

So this post is a big 'Thumbs-up' to dress wearing (and Pimm's drinking!)

This weeks theme -  'Pretty Prints for Pimm's Parties!'

Dress - Topshop

This dress is super summery. I have only worn it once before and that was on date night with the hubby. I felt so sorry for it, just hanging there, being all beautiful, so today it came out and saw the sunshine. I know you can't really see it in this picture (all my full-length piccies weren't great!) but this dress is knee length and floasty. I really wanted to get across the vibrance of the colours rather than the look of the dress itself. The cut and the detailing on this dress is incredible, and a steal at only £60. It's something you could wear to a summer wedding or some kind of evening event.

Necklace -  Marc Jacobs

Over accessorising this outfit seemed pretty pointless. The dress is so detailed that it really doesn't need much of anything. This necklace is really simple and effective. I bought it from Marc Jacobs a few months ago and it goes with everything. The centre is a little 'nut' with Marc Jacobs engraved all the way around.

I don't normally put full face photos on here (or anywhere for that matter!) But I am being brave! I thought this one was actually quite nice and shows off my new bright hair and HD brows (I'm still getting used to them!)

Talking of hair! I've recently had my hair dyed a really 'white' blonde. I have to work hard at maintaining it but I do truly love it. For those wondering, I use Provoke purple toning shampoo to keep the colour nice and light. You can buy the shampoo and Sainsburys and Boots. I think my hair is in a really boring style, I'm in the process of growing it and its at that really annoying in-between length. I am really loving the boho beach waves look at the minute. I'm really rubbish at doing plaits so I decided on twists instead, its not only really effective but really easy to do - great for the beach and by the pool.

Sandals - Kurt Geiger

Every outfit needs the right pair of shoes - and I just love these beauts from KG. They are made of plasticky, rubbery material (better known as jelly-shoes!) and have little gold studs embellishing them. Simple.


Have fun in the sun people - Keep it bright and happy.

Love till next time - L&L x x

Friday Fashion Fix #3

I know these posts have been a little few and far between but I am going to be making a conscious effort to make this a weekly thing from now on.

Apparently Summer is on its way. I'll believe it when I see it frankly. We have had about two minutes of sunshine in West Lancashire in the past 6 months. All in all, I find bad weather really depressing. The shops are starting to fill up with lots of lovely summer items and even though I am drawn to their vivid colours and light material it all seems a waste of money.

However, as we are going on holiday in a few weeks I thought I had better make some sort of effort in the way of summer apparel. Now, I'm not one for getting my legs out, or chest out, or anything out really since having Dee. I find my post-pregnancy body rather alarming. Yet, on a recent foray into the world of internet Topshop-ness I thought I would brave the elements and opt for some dresses and shorts.... I know, I know.... I'm crazy.

When my purchases arrived this morning in lovely spotty packaging I got rather excited. Put it this way, when my husband tried to stop me from retrieving my new purchases from the front door mat, I almost smashed him the face with my toast in hot pursuit.

I have got to say, all-in-all, I am very pleased with my internet shop. As a worshipper of the house of ASOS, I don't tend to stray too far into other branches of fashion on the web. I find it all a bit hazardous. I've come to know the sizes and fit on ASOS and I never really find a need to send anything back. Even though Topshop is a firm highstreet favourite of mine, I would rather go and physically see what am I buying and have a little try on. I have quite a strange body shape -  totally different sizes on top and bottom (too much up top and too little in the hip area), so sometimes I find it difficult to find dresses that fit properly and jumpsuits that don't bulge on my chest and sag around my bum. I find Topshop sizing very unpredictable. Sometimes I'm a size 8, sometimes a 12 dependent on what I am buying. So this online spree was also a little experiment. Anyway, I digress.

This weeks theme is  - Popping Prints.

I love bright colours. My friends would firmly disagree with this as more often than not, on a night out, I will wear an all black ensemble. Since having Dee I feel more comfortable in black -  it is a hider of many a wobbly bit. I also think black is understated and classy. Worn with the correct accessories I feel it can be make more of a statement than evens Josephs coat of many colours (what a trendsetter our Jo was, eh?)

I also love prints. Leopard, Zebra, Tiger.. the list goes on. Prints are everywhere at the minute, in every thinkable colour, its like Safari has gone to Mardi Gras. I love it.

Dress -  Topshop, Belt - Topshop

I love this dress. I got it from the 'Tall' range as I don't like things being too short. I absolutely love the print and colour on this dress. Even though it is a 't-shirt' material it has a real shine to it which is really lovely. I bought the belt about three years ago. I wear it with everything. 

Bracelet - Mango

I love accessories. Even though both my engagement and wedding rings are platinum I much prefer gold when it comes to my jewellery (or ghetto gold as I call it). Apologies for my really awful fake-tan hand in this photo - I've been testing some new tan and my hand have taken a real beating. This cuff is from Mango. I bought it when I went to Palma and I think I have worn it every day ever since. Its really comfortable to wear as I tend to find that most cuffs rub (for those wondering.. I mean fashion cuffs, not those of a Police or '50 Shades' variety!). 

Bag - Chanel,  Shoes - Office

This bag is a favourite thing in my wardrobe. Not only have I wanted the coveted Chanel for some years now, its also really special as it was my wedding present from my very lovely husband. This bag makes any outfit look and feel special. My shoes are a new purchase from Office. They are lovely and comfy and the suede and buckle features are lovely. These look great with dresses, trousers, skirts and jeans -  so they are super versatile for knocking about with Dee. 

A closer look!

As it was such a summery outfit I thought I would brave the elements and go outside. (Thanks to my husband for be-grudgingly taking this photo!)

So, thats it for another week fashion folk.

As always thanks for reading, any comments or thoughts are always lovely.

Love till next time -  L&L x x

Days stretch into Weeks...

I've been gone for a while.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I have dark days, that stretch into weeks, that merge into months.

I have been reading though. Doing lots of reading of all of your beautiful blogs. The blogs that help me and inspire me and allow me to move forward by acknowledging that I'm not alone.

So, a quick recap of the last few silent weeks. I went away to Palma with the girls, it rained and that made me sad, sad for my lovely friend who had done such a beautiful job of organising it and sad for me because I bought two new swimsuits!

We went to London to visit some close friends and their little one. We ate and drank and were merry. I find it hard going visiting with Dee. My OCD and PND sometimes threaten to take over. They threaten to throw me onto the cold tarmac and shake me until I'm sick. They toy with me. They play with my emotions and rationale. They seep through my pores and then, like a flash, are out in the open. I'm learning to keep them under control, to treat them as a tamed beast.
I'm learning that it is hard to banish that beast in some situations.

Dee has been ill, I have been ill. We have had nights in hospital and nights awake and nights crying. We have had days filled with lying on the cool bathroom tiles and soft kingside bed.

It sounds odd. But I cherished every one of those days when Dee was offside. For once in her little life I got endless cuddles and kisses and hugs through the night. My little lady is fiercely independent, she is loving but it has to be on her terms. She's a tough nut, she rarely cries or moans. So in times of mild illness, when she needs me, it's lovely to feel her love more intensely than ever before.
It makes me feel like I am doing a good job.


So that's been my life - boring and average. My inner battles make each day seem like a mountain and when I lie in bed at night I could almost cry with the ecstasy that I have made it through. It's a small victory. Gosh, I sound morbid.

I know things are getting better, I know that I'm getting better. It's a long road. You can't just pop a pill and it will all be ok.

Thanks for listening you beautiful people. It really helps.

A more normal post will be coming soon.

Love till next time - L&L x x

Friday Fashion Fix #2

It's Friday! So it's time to get all fashion-ey on the blog.

This week has been pretty hectic so there hasn't been much chance for fashion brilliance on any level. Due to Dee coming down with the dreaded 'Pox', I have spent most of the week in my 'scruffs' and my hair has been dragged off my face that often that I look like I've had an Essex facelift.

However, I made a real effort today, in the name of fashion, and in the name of hopefully no longer looking like Stig of the Dump.

This weeks theme - Dungaree's A GoGo!

When I heard and read that Dungaree's were coming back into fashion (were they ever?!) my inner stylist did the 'shocked' face of dread and utter bewilderment. Really? Dungarees? Like.... really?
Yet, when photos of celebs clad in various takes on the classic Dungaree started to emerge, I distinctly felt my pulse rate lessen. They, look, cool.
Worn in the right way of course - more Carrie Bradshaw, less Andy Pandy.

So after weeks of trying to find the perfect ones, I finally happened upon these beauts in Zara.

Dungarees - Zara, Leather trimmed top - Zara, Glasses - Ray Ban

I love, love them. Black, understated, wonderful. You could definitely dress these up - with some killer stilettos and an oversized statement clutch they would look divine. I have chosen to team mine with a thin, long-sleeved top, boots and my goggles (glasses!).

Glasses -  Ray Ban, Top - Zara

Yes, I am aware that there is an air of a camouflaged Where's Wally about this, but I'm rolling with it. These glasses are actually from the Male range - but I thought they suited me more. They look black on here but they are actually tortoise shell.

Ring - H&M

Boots (gold trim) - ASOS

These boots are an absolute wardrobe staple of mine. They go well with skirts, jeans, leggings, dresses... everything! Everybody always compliments me on them. I have had them a few months now and are a bit battered as I wear them that often, but I think they look all the better for it.

So my lovelies, that's all for another week.

I will be posting a little later than usual next week as I am going away for the weekend with the girlies.
So be prepared for a bumper Fashion Fix Friday Extravaganza!!! The weekend remix... ;)

Love till next time - L&L xx

The Liebster Award. Yes. An actual Award.

So. The very lovely blogger man over at The Secret Father has nominated me for the Liebster award. Which is quite frankly, very exciting. So thank you. I mean it.

"The Liebster Award is for bloggers with under 200 followers and the rules of the award is that the nominee must link back to whoever awarded them, write 11 random facts about themselves, answer the 11 questions from the award giver, and then nominate another 11 bloggers and make up 11 questions for them to answer. It's a great way for new and undiscovered bloggers to meet new people, get more followers and find some blogs that they want to follow."


So. here are my little factoids. 11 of them.

1. I like eating the insides of Walnut Whips then discard the chocolate. And the Walnut.
2. I hate frogs. 
3. I hate toads (sensing a theme here).
4. I love to bake. Mostly cupcakes.
5. I only eat the pink Fondant Fancies.
6. I hate it when people read over my shoulder.
7. My secret (well, it was..) crush is Alan Rickman. 
8. I have read the Harry Potter books about 5 gazillion times. (Slight exaggeration).
9. I love watching Masterchef. 
10. My daughter is my favourite person in the whole world. 
11. Blogging is becoming an obsession. 

Next! Here are my 11 questions to answer. 

1.Which of your blog posts is your personal favourite? 

I would have to say my Mothers Day post. I love it because it really sums up the way I feel about my daughter and Mum. I also think that other mothers (and fathers!) will be able to find a little of themselves in that post. 

2. Unicorns or Zombies?

Unicorns. Duh! They're in Harry Potter.

3. Name one other blog post from another blogger that has really inspired you.

There are loads. However, all though this is cheating I would have to say any blog over the past few months by Edspire. Jennie is a true inspiration. She has blogged through the heartbreak of losing a child and I can only thank her for the strength she has given to me, and all her other blogging companions through her beautiful words. 

4. If you could possess one superpower for one day, what would it be and why?

Time turning. So that I could go and tell my teenage self to stop worrying and start living. 

5. Describe yourself in 20 words or less.

Creative, loud, mis-understood, loving, faithful, blessed.

6. If you started/owned your own country what would be your top 3 principals of constitution?

• Everyone must start and finish the day by paying themselves a compliment in the mirror.
• Everyone must allow for other peoples differences and always be kind. 
• Cyclists would have their own roads. (Safety first!)

7. What three things would you tell your 18 year old self, with the benefit of hindsight?

• He will hurt you, but don't worry - you are to be loved.
• Don't drink Tia Maria.
• Don't go to University just because someone else says you should - follow your heart.

8. What is the best joke you ever heard / can remember? 

Three men walk into a bar.....

Seriously... I'm crap at jokes.

9. What is your earliest childhood memory?

Making clothes for my Barbies out of my Mum's tights.

10. What is your favourite month and why? 

September. It is the month my daughter was born.

11. Favourite ever holiday and why?

St Lucia. Our first holiday away as a family. The Caribbean laid back attitude is so relaxing. I could have stayed on Sugar Beach forever. 

And.... here are my 11 questions. 

1. Outdoors or indoors?
2. What is your most favourite blog post and why?
3. Favourite smell?
4. What is the place in which you feel most happy?
5. Daddy or chips?
6. At what time of day do you usually blog?
7. Favourite blog post you have read in the last week?
8. Favourite quote?
9. If you could make your own flavour of crisps, what would it be and why?
10. If you could wake up anywhere tomorrow, where would it be?
11. If you had a time machine, where would you go and why?

I have chosen my nominations of fellow bloggers carefully. I wanted to choose blogs that I do read and have made an emotional impact on me. These lovely bloggers make me laugh and cry and smile more than they will ever know. Thank you. (I know there are only 10!)

1. thesecretfather.wordpress.com   (I know you nominated me! But I just wanted to show my appreciation!
2. hollybobb.blogspot.co.uk
3. andiamomummy.com
4. holdingthebabyblog.com
5. justthewaywewantto.blogspot.co.uk
6. justpirouetteandcarryon.blogspot.co.uk
7. justanormalmummy.blogspot.co.uk
8. dragonflypoppy.blogspot.co.uk
9. athomewithconnor.blogspot.co.uk
10. beingmummy.com

Thank you all -  and Thanks again to The Secret Father for kindly nominating me.

Love till next time -  L&L xx

Friday Fashion Fix #1

So. Here is a little feature I am going to be doing every Friday.

I have always, well, at least for as long as I can remember had a bit of a crush on Fashion. I quite simply love it. I love shopping and how new outfits make me feel. I love dressing up and dressing down. I love trying new looks and putting outfits together which are sometimes a little out of my comfort zone. Since becoming a Mummy I think my fashion choices have become, to put it lightly,  a little more subdued. However, I am determined not to give up on my love of fashion, make-up and beautiful accessories. So this little weekly post will be a tribute to my love of all those things.

Often, when a woman makes that leap to the role of 'Mother' everything about her becomes overhauled.   Some of what was there before is often dissolved on entering motherhood, it takes a backseat to wiping little bottoms and feeding little mouths. Clothes become less of a statement, rather a way of covering the milk stains and newly formed muffin top. T-shirts become the home of snotty-nose wipes and splatterings of un-wanted spaghetti bolognese.

I remember going out in the early days and my friends asking me - 'Whats that on your shoulder?'
After a quick look to make sure I hadn't left the baby napping there, I muttered my doleful answer...

'Yep... thats vomit'. And subsequently mourned the loss of my beautiful leather jacket.

Sometimes, I am so tired, I have gone out with mismatched shoes and one of Dee's clips in my hair (put there for safe keeping... obvs!) Only to have these faux-pas pointed out to me in the garden centre or in the middle of Sainsbury's. Not.Cool. 

So. Here I am. Every week I will choose some of my favourite outfit/s to share with you. I will also share any new beauty finds or make-up miracles. I am aware that my fashion choices aren't for everyone but I would be honoured if you look and read and share and maybe... linky up. Lets show the world that Mummy's don't have to be slummy. We can be classy, we can be fashionable and current, we can have nice make-up, we can go out with matching footwear...

So, here we go - Week #1 -  Butterflies & Hightops.

(Apologies from crap photos. Camera out of action)

I bloody love Butterflies. I think they are pretty and feminine, so when I saw this shirt I just had to have it. Plus, this lovely yellow colour seem to be everywhere this season, it is bright and happy and Summery, even if the weather is not reflecting it at the moment.

Butterfly Shirt - Next

Butterfly shirt - Next, Gold Necklace - H&M

Even though I view myself as quite girly, I think my 'look' more often than not has quite an androgynous feel to it. I like to mix pretty prints with block colours, team dresses with trainers and converse. I found these little leather high-tops in Next on a clothes hunt for Dee. I absolutely love them, they are so comfortable and easy to slip on at a moments notice.

Leather high-tops -  Next. Black skinny jeans - Topshop

These jeans are an absolute wardrobe staple of mine. They are super comfy and hard-wearing (I found this after spending a lot of time on my knees crawling after a toddler!). I love Topshop for jeans as they seem to fit just right, these particular ones are from the 'Leigh' range and I have them in various colours.

Jeans - 'Leigh' by Topshop

I love accessories. I feel they give new life to an old outfit. I love gold, or ghetto gold, as I call it. Since getting married it frustrates me that my cheapo accessories don't match my rather lovely rings!!! However, I have recently acquired a rather lovely two-tone watch which brings everything together nicely.
My earrings are from Topshop. They are little gold skulls. Not to everyones taste but I think they are cool.

Skull earrings - Topshop

All in all I really love this look. I also teamed it with my black leather jacket as its still rather chilly out there.

I look forward to sharing more posts like this with you.

Love till next time - L&L xx

Lovely little Lullabies.

This post has been an honour to write.

A lullaby in remembrance of a darling baby girl. Matilda Mae.

A lullaby for her lovely Mummy Jennie. Her very brave Mummy.

A lullaby for her family.

A lullaby for all families affected by SIDS.

A lullaby - to let them know I care.

I'm linking up with Jennies blog amongst other bloggers to promote awareness for The Lullaby Trust (formally FSID).

A Lullaby sung to the tune of 'Hush little Baby (Mockingbird)'

Sweet darling baby,
Please don't cry,
We are only waving,
The day goodbye.

Sweet darling baby,
Sleep now sleep,
As I rock you now,
You count those sheep.

Sweet darling baby,
close your eyes,
Come listen to,
Tilda Mae's lullabies.

Sweet darling baby,
Just let sleep in,
Close your eyes,
And dreams begin.

Sweet darling baby,
I'll hold you near,
Sleep little one,
I'll be right here.

Sweet darling baby,
Just one more yawn,
I'll be with you,
Until the dawn.

Sweet darling baby,
I love you so,
Just hold my hand,
And don't let go.


Sweet darling baby,
Just one more kiss,
Then dream away,
In sleepy bliss.

Sweet darling baby,
Close your eyes,
Come listen to,
Tilda Mae's lullabies.


Love till next time - L&L x x 

Love and War.

This has been a post that has been in the pipeline for a while. I have sat and pondered on how to go about it. I have written and re-written and written again. This post is a break from tradition, it isn't about parenting or Dee or about my life at all. It's about a love that spans continents, a love that has, quite literally, survived a war.

About a year ago some very brave non-professional singing women and a rather lovely choir master released a song. A song about love, about war, about trust, about bravery and about sacrifice. From the moment I heard it, it stirred something in me, the words were so beautiful that whenever it came on the radio I would stop what I was doing and simply -  listened. You know the song.

At first, I couldn't quite put my finger on why it touched me so. Why I went to download it, why I looked up the lyrics, why I cried at their beauty.

And then, I realised. My friend, my good friend has probably felt every single one of those words as if she herself had written them.

My friend, who shall remain nameless, is married to a soldier in the British Army. At this very moment he is in Afghanistan fighting and working and helping and doing more than I could ever do.
For the last seven years, whilst he has been away (periodically), my friend has sat alone. She has waited, she has dreaded phone calls and knocks on doors. She hasn't watched the news. She has sent packages of food and treats. She has spent Christmases and birthdays and anniversaries without him. She has written. She has prayed. She has welcomed him home. She has loved. She has been braver than I could ever be.

Last summer she married her soldier and I have never felt more proud to be associated with people who are truly: brave. Both of them, him for serving this country and her for allowing him to do so.
Sacrifices have been made on both parts but on that lovely day in June, there was no thought of war - just happiness and love.

I read countless blogs and tweets (mine too!) that complain and moan and criticise. I feel foolish for complaining, for believing that my life is sometimes dull or hard. I don't think I have ever once heard my friend complain that her life away from her husband is hard. She never moans about being hard done-to. She just accepts and supports and believes.

Her husbands returns home in a few short weeks. My friend is planning a party, a celebration, a thank you. Thank you for being brave, Thank you for doing unspeakable things, Thank you for helping to keep our country safe and free, so that we are able to go about our daily lives in our oblivious manner.

To all soldiers, thank you.

I pray for his safe passage, that he returns to us happy and healthy. That he returns to her.

May the stars shine all around you,

May your courage never cease.

Love till next time - L&L xx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ7f4lV3e0c

Holding on.

This is the hardest post I have or will ever write. It's physical equivalent is running down a busy high street on a Saturday, absolutely starkers. It's allowing everyone (everyone...) to see the parts of you that you aren't proud of, parts of you that you have kept hidden away.

I need to talk about it here. I need to get it out in the open and say to you all - Yes, here I am, this is me.

This has been 10 years in the making and it took having a baby to bring it out in the open.

Of course, I'm talking about depression.

I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't want you to look at me like there is something wrong. I just want you to understand. I need you to understand.

I've had a hard few weeks. Hard and dark and scary and hellish. I feel so incredibly selfish, knowing what others have and are going through (believe me, I think of them all the time). But sometimes all you can see is the complete emptiness of your own existence, its the only thing that makes sense.

I know I'm talking in riddles. However, I don't want to go into details, none of you reading this need to know the reasons why, but I hope sometimes, when I'm having a bad day, I can come on here and vent and you will understand.

Mental illness is a funny one. It's not a broken leg, you can't see it and sympathise. You can't rub it and make it better or even stick a plaster over it. It's something that takes time to get over and finally, after so many years of feeling alone, I am finally facing up to my demons and doing something about it.

I am so lucky to have such amazing friends and family. A husband superman who holds me up the best he can when I feel like I am sinking under the weight of life. A daughter who brings me more joy than she will ever know, she is my reason, she is all of my reasons. And friends, such amazing, beautiful, loving, un-selfish friends who have helped me these past weeks, who, even in my darkest hours have held my hand and shown me the pinprick of light at the end of what seems like an endless tunnel. You know who you are and how much I love you.

I promise to keep these posts to a minimum - nobody likes a whiner.

I just felt an explanation was needed about my sometimes sad and muddled words.

Love till next time -  L&L x x

Listography.

So, after a few, hard, painful silent weeks, I have returned. I will explain the hows and whys of my short blogging absence in another post. But to ease be back in, I am doing a Listography post to linky up with another lovely blog -  Kate takes 5.


I have never done this before so please bear with me.


The theme of Kate's Listography post : 5 Things that are better than One Direction. Things that your children are yet to learn about the world.


Here are mine for Dee:

1. The first time you really find something you LOVE to do. Finding horse riding was a revelation for me. I was never particularly good at sports at school - always being last to be picked for anything (groan, sigh). However, soon after my first riding lesson, I knew I had fallen in love with something I was finally good at. I hope you find something that fills you with as much joy and fulfilment.

2. First Love. Beautiful, irrational and more often than not, short-lived. However, it's the sort of irrationality that I would never want you to miss out on.

3. Lasting Friendship. I hope you find friends that span your whole lifetime. That you love, admire and care for as much as I love mine. Friendship is the key to a happy life.

4. Your first sip of alcohol, how good it feels at the time, how bad it feels in the morning. A late teenage right. Please be clear, avoid Tia Maria and I will not be cleaning up after your hangover. Always drink responsibly...

5. Welcoming your own child into the world. The indescribable feeling of wonderment and complete love.



These are the things I hope you come to learn are better than One Direction, or in your case, Peppa Pig.


Love till next time, L&L xx

A Comic Turn...

I'm afraid that I may be going a little 'off-piste' with this post. But I hope you will indulge me and read on.

It's Comic Relief today, a day for thinking of others and giving what we can to make somebody's life a little more comfortable. When I see the causes that will be helped by our donations, I can't help but be moved. It worries me that even though millions and millions of pounds have already been spent in aid of these people, there are still so many in the world who need our help. People who live in poverty, children who are begging and forced into modern day slavery. I find it hard to think of a world where one half lives in relative opulence compared to the other half. It seems madness that there are children in the world who still have to drink polluted water when western society is fixated on having the latest tablet computer or designer handbags.
Don't get me wrong, I love my designer handbags and I often scold myself when I find myself vying for another pair of shoes that are far too expensive. I try to rationalise with myself, reminding myself of that prophecy drummed into us as children - 'there are people starving in the world'. I think we are all guilty of being a little selfish and un-thinking sometimes.

Truth is, most of us will sit and watch Comic Relief tonight. We will laugh at the silly antics of the celebrities who have given up some of their time to do something funny for money, we will cry at the videos of those people suffering, we will gasp at the children dying in the hospitals in such horrible and preventable circumstances. Yet tomorrow, we will get up and carry on as normal, we will get our children from their beds/cots, we will eat our breakfast, we will turn on the tap to find clean, drinkable water. We will open the fridge to find food and treats. We will spend money on the frivolous things we allow ourselves. Why? Because we can and because we are so very lucky.

It is madness that in 2013 that the world is still so drastically split by the rich and the poor.

I am thankful for all those people who campaign tirelessly for the charities they support. I am proud of them. I am proud that we have things like Comic Relief in this country, which every year reminds us that there are people out there, who share this world,  that need our help desperately. I am thankful to all those people who have dressed up in pyjamas today, or have done something funny to raise money.

I am so thankful for my life, I am thankful that I have a bed to sleep in at night, that I have a child who is vaccinated free of charge and who has access to some of the greatest medical care in the world. I am thankful that I was lucky enough to be born into a country that can provide these things for me, because thats all we are, lucky.

I am determined to do more to help from now on. Every little helps.

I will be watching and donating tonight, I hope you all do too.

Give this song a listen. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

A Mothers Love: Mothering Sunday

As children we are so utterly unaware of just how much we are loved by our Mothers. We so innocently take them for granted, never being totally aware of the sacrifices they have made for us and how much we mean to them.

As teenagers we begin to resent them. They seem to be a constant source of annoyance and their un-fathomable way of knowing that you got home two hours after curfew is incredibly frustrating. You spend hours barricaded in your room, cursing their existence and wishing that you had one of the those fun, laid-back kind of Mums who allowed parties and an alcoholic drink before you turned 18. As those young, immature adolescents we were unable to see the affection behind their actions; that their motives were bathed in love.

On entering adulthood you slowly begin to understand that they only ever wanted the best for you, that Mums are wise women of the world who understood more about life than you ever could at that age. That their sometimes drastic actions were shrouded in the faith and hope that one day you would understand that Mum really does know best.

Above all, the clearest realisation and understanding of what a Mothers love really is comes at the moment you yourself become a parent.

I was lucky enough to have my own Mum in the room with me when I gave birth to my daughter. Her support to both myself and my husband was incredible. It was like her love filled up the room and gave me the strength to focus on the momentous and precious job I had infront of me. She sang to me softly and kept a silent vigil over me as I gathered the strength to bring Dee into the world safely.
I'm so glad I got to experience my birth story with her, it made those long, painful, tiring hours both bearable and special.

Seconds after giving birth, whilst holding both my baby and my husband in my arms, I remember looking at my Mum and saying 'Thank You'. I attempted to put 27 years of unsaid things into those words, they weren't just gratitude for staying by my side through this process but for always being by my side, for loving me so effortlessly the way that I now loved my newborn daughter. It was a thank you for that pure, perfect, un-assuming, awe-inspiring, unselfish, beautiful love, that until that moment I had never quite understood.

Ten minutes after Dee was born, my Mum left the room to go home, she simply looked at me and smiled and then quietly slipped away. I knew at that moment things were never going to be the same again; but in a totally wonderful way. Our mother-daughter bond had increased 100 fold with the addition of our new tiny miracle. Our little Dee.

Later, as I held my newborn daughter close, thankful of a few fuss free moments, the overwhelming love I felt for this tiny, fragile thing seemed to subsume me. How had my Mum loved me like this for so long? How had she not drowned under the weight of it? How do any mothers do it?
My respect grows for my Mum everyday, just as my love grows for Dee. Sometimes I find that love so overwhelming that it threatens to overcome me and swallow me whole.
I once read somewhere that "a mothers love is something that no one can explain, it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain".  I used to think this was quite morbid, but now I understand those words with a far deeper meaning than I ever did before.

I spent this Mothers Day in the company of my Mum and my daughter-  for whom I am so blessed and grateful. It was a day of celebration and happiness, a day of love.

I hope that all Mums, Mums-to-be, Step-Mums, Grandmas, Great Grandmas and anyone who bears the title 'Mother' had a beautiful day, smug in the knowledge that we are privy to the secret of a Mothers love.
I also hope that those who were spending Sunday without their Mums, those who are in mourning for children had an extra special day celebrating the lives of the people they love the most.



Happy Mothers Day to all.

Love to you all, till next time - L & L x

Mum's the word.

Being a Mum is really hard, truly wonderful but really, really hard.

I read countless parenting blogs on how perfect life is with their little ones. How every day is filled with joy and contentment and amazing discoveries. These blogs are either lying or I am doing something terribly wrong. Don't mis-understand me, I love being a Mum, I have found it a difficult journey but I do love it. Yet I often judge myself harshly, I wonder if sometimes I don't do enough for Dee or I make the wrong decisions regarding her upbringing. I have found adjusting to motherhood hard, I am not by any means an 'earth mother', I don't believe I was put on this earth purely to reproduce and spend my whole life pontificating at how wonderful I am at parenting.

My daughter is extremely precious to me, she came into my life almost eighteen months ago and changed it irrevocably. I decided when I was pregnant that I was going to give up work and raise my daughter as a stay at home Mum -  I believe I made the right decision but it does not mean that some days I don't find it really hard.

I'm a young(ish) Mummy. I am the first of my friends to have a baby. I had a tiring pregnancy with sometimes debilitating morning sickness and chronic tiredness. Even though I read pregnancy and child-rearing books religiously, I felt extremely lonely. I felt I couldn't talk to my closest friends about things because they didn't or couldn't understand what my body was going through. When I was worried about lack of movement or odd changes to my body I often felt trapped and frightened.

I don't think you ever feel 'ready' for a baby. The overwhelming feeling that this tiny thing is going to rely on you completely is a very un-nerving thought. I spent months fretting over the type of mother I wanted to be, contemplating all the mistakes I did not want to make. Truth is you tend to make mistakes whatever you do. You do things you always said you never would and you find yourself pushing to do things well out of your comfort zone.

When Dee arrived, after almost three days of labour and a head fizzy from gas and air; I have never felt more relieved in my whole life. Relieved that she was healthy, relieved she had all her fingers and toes which were so utterly perfect. Relieved that I loved her in that indescribable way that all Mums talk about, that you can't quite comprehend until you meet your child for the first time.

As a mother 16 months on -  I forever feel that I should be doing more. That we should go on more outings, that I should make more effort to do lots more creative things with her. That I should have sent her to Nursery sooner, that I should never have introduced her to the world of Peppa Pig.
Truth is, most days, Dee and I mosey along together. We go shopping, we sing, we dance, we laugh. She watches as I clean and tidy and cook. She sits in her cot whilst I shower. We see friends and family regularly, we eat out.
I will never be one of those Mothers who enrols her child in every group going, Dee won't play the piano at 3 years old. I have made peace with the fact that I will never be the perfect mother....

... But I'll always be the perfect mother to Dee -  and thats really all that matters.

Love till next time -  L & L x x